I get newsletters from an Israeli journal. I was thrilled when I saw this job opportunity.
Then I read some more. By the last line I was sure the ad was a dark joke, a bad SNL sketch. (I will quote from ad later.) So I clicked on Apply Here to find out if it was for real.
I was connected to the United Nations site! https://careers.un.org/lbw/home.aspx
(Pictured: My “peaceful” dog. But would the peace-sign work at every border?)
There were pages and pages of job opportunities and all were in very exciting places: Santiago, Brussels, Geneva, even Beirut. The jobs included: Interpreters, Human Rights Advisors, even Drug Control Officers. I searched for a description that might accept a minimalist resume such as mine, so I clicked on Office for Outer Space Affairs– after all, I know some Astronomy. Heck, I’ve watched the movie, “Apollo 13” at least eighty-two times. Plus, I’m from California, we know all about being Spacey. I skimmed through a very detailed page-long paragraph of the job explanation and couldn’t decipher what Outer Space activities were. I did hold up my index finger and say, “Aha,” when I read, “Oversee the recruitment of staff… taking due account of geographical and gender balance and other institutional values.” I am all about balance and I know that in the working world there are always an equal number of undergraduate men to Ph.d. women, Persians to Eritreans and curly-tops to red heads. Although I wonder if a Keratin-head would count as a curly? After all, their roots scream fro.
Back to the initial ad– the Austrians are leaving the Golan, so Israel needs a few good UN peacekeepers. No Russians need apply since it is one of five permanent members of the UN Security Council. I don’t know what that has to do with the price of tea in Tel Aviv, so if you know, please explain below. I just had an idea what the U.S. can do with all her illegal immigrants. Hehehe.
Back up to the Peacekeeper description. “Responsibilities include patrolling buffer zone, assisting Red Cross, identifying minefields, occasionally greeting Syrian and Druze brides, avoiding being abducted, and looking good in blue headgear for TV crews.” I want to meet the person whose resume claims, “Wore blue headgear for 3 years in the West Bank, Katherine Bigelow complemented me,” “Avoided abduction on 13 occasions, I look exactly like a cocker spaniel,” and “Recommendations upon request– from 18 Syrian and Druze brides.”
My favorite, “A history of shooting off your mouth about Israel, needing to take risks for peace a big plus…” This person should be our next President.
Have you ever imagined what it would be like to work a dangerous job? (Beyond motherhood.)